I was hoping to tap tomorrow but they’re fully booked and I couldn’t get Friday, decided to go tonight at 7:30pm. I had a 6:30pm meeting with some Directors from another development, sadly had to cut it short with them. I just needed to tap!
It felt weird going in at 7:30pm, I half expected Kate in there with her oddly matched socks. Instead I had to wait outside Studio 4 for ‘Pop Dance’ to come out, so… that’s in place now? Only two people came out and they were mates. Hmm never mind, I walked in and turned off the end lights, with just a middle beam I enjoyed the ambient more – never liked anywhere too bright when dark.
I put on my tap playlist and… off I went. No practise sheets, no across the room… just freedom of expression and an utter loss of inhibition, I let my feet do the talking. I didn’t stand on the same spot, or kept my feet parallel or aligned my arms… I danced freely, flailing left and right with small and big steps, spins, flaps, close-to-floor-tapping, my arms moved to where it made sense. My whole purpose tonight, was to dance to the tunes I enjoy and let it carry me – to let my fear go and let my feet move the way I want it to move. Basically, I had to go for it and be brave.
I was also surprised at the floor in Studio 4, much better than the stickier Studio 5!
Mostly… I made noise but there were moments of rhythm, I searched for rhythm all night – next door must hate me for the ruckus I was causing. To be honest, I found it easier to build rhythm when I go fast but sadly my skill-level isn’t there yet. It’s been experimental (or just mental!) and I’d like to think it’s the first time I ever really let myself loose in tap – without fear of being seen or judged, and I was quite amazed at some of the made-up combos I’m able to do. I have the idea but not the execution yet, there’s hard work ahead to catch up with the tapper I want to be. It was exciting to knock out rhythm… I just need to go loud, then pull back and refine it, I need to evolve! I have to keep my ankles moving!
One of the best sessions on my own yet!
I arranged this meeting before the latest series of disagreements, it was something I’ve been planning to do anyway in my quest for research. I met three Directors from a development and… they were absolutely lovely! They were so supportive of me because they went through similar experiences and understood my position. They said it’s a rewarding feeling to accomplish things but equally, it’s an under-appreciated role – I understood them and they understood me. They saw how lonely my role was and gave me so much support, even encouraged me to sell up and move in with them - tempting!
We spoke about the way their place is run, their management company supply a report document with every repair and arrears for their meetings, plus they get three quotes for every job! There were a lot of things I haven’t considered, normal things that I should be within my rights to ask – our management company should never intimidate with legal consequences. I should not be daunted to ask for information because – as they put it, we employ them. I won’t go into details but they gave me the boost and courage I need to carry on. I haven’t resigned so obviously I’ve felt beaten enough to want to fight back. The dual role of one Director is a VERY contentious issue and that’s the first thing we need to clarify.
I’m standing in a very big puddle… and I need professional guidance. I know where to go and where to look now, it’s fantastic to hear that support from a similar group.
I’m recharged and ready to go!